How Many Idiots Does it Take to Teach in Korea?

Alright scrotes. (Off to Vietnam in a bit to see Bryan but before that, enjoy this wee musing on Korean life)

Twas the day before Chuseok, Teachers desks had been warmed,
Requests to leave early had been wrathfully scorned.
So sat at his desk like a dog with two dicks,
(But sadly with no one to fondle those pricks)
Mark Teacher began to imagine a poem
To send to his family and friends back at home.

He thought of the people he'd met over here,
Who ranged from the sound to incredibly queer.
And of course I mean queer in the strange kind of way-
Seinfeld has taught me that its fine to be gay.
But now time to get ourselves back on track
To the teachers in Korea and all that they lack.

Stupidity abounds like clockwork each day,
On facebook where people don't think but just say.
For groups are devoted to discuss Daegu living
But the questions they ask just can't be forgiven.
Now I must warn what you're about to hear
Are genuine queries from some folks who are here.
I rhymed hear with here and feel I should explain,
That times running out and I must soon catch my plane.

"Where can I buy X video game?"
This country and yours you'll find are the same.
"Where can I get my hair cut just right?"
Show them a picture and you'll be alright.
"Can someone tell me where to buy tampons?" you say
It makes it no better they're for your fiancée.
"Where do I find this bus or that train?"
Don't make me refer you to google again.
"Please explain the difference between 'will' and 'going to'"
If you're going to be thick then I will punch you.

"Do any English speakers sell contact lenses?"
You need numbers not English, please come to your senses.
"Do I have to give gifts to my teachers today?"
Do if ya want, or don't, either way.
And the worst one of all I'll save for the end,
The lack of good sense I could not comprehend,
When yesterday when clearly the King of The Tards,
Enquired where one could buy a deck of cards.

Are these people unable to fend for themselves?
For I've seen many cards on many shops shelves.
For the simplest thing you'll find they inquire,
With no sense of sarcasm, wit or satire.
If one didn't laugh, one would get depressed
But I've found a few friends so fuck all the rest.


Hope y'all enjoyed. Peace. Happ Chuseok.